Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
