I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
