Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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