You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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