no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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