Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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