And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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