she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
