My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
