I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He shit in the fireplace
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
