where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
