he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
