Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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