Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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