He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We are two peas in an std pod
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
