I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
its not stalking. its research.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
