Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do herpes really smell.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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