MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
