How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
