It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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