and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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