So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
