i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
