if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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