I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
