Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found the puke drawer
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
