Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
