Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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