oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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