how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
