I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
