I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
