And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
