i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
