i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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