I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I am morally bankrupt
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
