My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
