I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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