I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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