what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
that's an acceptable place to lick
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
