Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
