just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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