My first STD was from a foam party
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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