I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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