Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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