Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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