this just has baby written all over it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hippo gnu deer
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
