She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
