Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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