I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
