What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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