Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize