i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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