Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
