I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
