I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
