Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
