i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
