Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
