Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
