He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
