so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
